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Here, Stop Bad
Therapy publishes a mother's account of her daughter's repeated cycles
of accusations followed by reconciliations. This account is a Stop
Bad Therapy exclusive, never before published elsewhere!
© 1999 Stop Bad Therapy
My Daughter’s Story
When my daughter Maria (not her real name) turned 21 years old,
she started to get depressed as the result of a new job at an insurance company.
This was her first serious job and she didn’t have enough experience, but she
had said on her resume that she had more experience than she really did.
The manager of the company, an older guy, noticed that and started
harassing her, making some improper passes to the point that she felt obligated
to come even at night to learn the job. All of a sudden she got fired and the
result was a nervous break down.
While she was going to therapy at Kaiser Permanente in Fremont,
her father (my husband) was accompanying her because we did not want her to
drive as she was disoriented and taking a lot of medication. Suddenly, she felt
uncomfortable going with him to therapy.
She started feeling that she had repressed memories about her
father. She began feeling that he had abused her and cut the relationship with
me and him because she believed that she had just found out she was abused when
she was a little girl. She said she couldn’t talk to us because she thought
that probably I was complicit too and aware of her horrible incest.
At the beginning I did not know what to believe. I was devastated.
I started to have doubts about my husband, but it didn't make sense to me. He
was a lovely father and she was so close to him, and all her life she got along
better with him than with me because I was the deciplinarian when she was growing
up. How could this have happened?
There is another half sister, my husband's daughter from a first
marriage, who was also accusing my husband when Maria came out with this. I
think Karen (not her real name) got Maria’s head full of this stuff too, affirming
that he had done the same thing to her. Karen has been in therapy many times.
And Karen affirmed to Maria that he was the cause of her problems.
Like I said, my head was spinning awfully. I starting accusing
my husband. It was a turmoil. I couldn’t describe how bad it was. My son who
was 14 years old at the time was so upset that he was sleeping in his friend’s
home. He complained that it was too ugly and asked how this could happen to
his sisters when his daddy was the most respectful father and all his friends
loved him.
The dilemma and depression of my daughter lasted 4 months. Then
she starting talking to us, and when she got better she came with her boyfriend
whom she was living with at the time for Thanksgiving Dinner. I stopped asking
details and life went on again and she got married. Her wedding was beautiful.
Life went OK.
Two and a half years later, she got a new job and was gaining
a lot of weight, and she starting accusing my husband again with the same thing.
Worse, she said she was surprised I did not know. I stood up and I told her
you are not going to get me because if I had known anything like that I wouldn’t
be married to him and he would have been in jail. I know my husband. He is of
high standards and under no circumstances did I believe he was capable of a
such an unspeakable thing. Again it took 4 months to get better and she came
back again like nothing happened. We were always so joyful she came back to
the family, so we never asked how she got better. We were afraid she would go
away again.
Three years later, again she was under a lot stress on the job
because of rumors of layoffs. She was fearful for her job, and they had just
bought a house. She sent me an email saying that she couldn’t have a relationship
with us because she is depressed because she has been abused, and until we both
agree and accept she cannot talk to us again. I said "You said that every
time you were under stress. Why are you living in the past? Whether it is true
or not you have to go on with your life." She was very unstable. I cried,
she cried, and my husband was stunned senseless. He did not want to deal with
this anymore. My son who is 22 now and has graduated from college was very upset
too. I told him we have to wait, that these things last at least 4 months.
After a long time--almost 5 months--she starting answering my
emails and phone calls. Now we are a happy family again but with the dilemma
that anytime in two years or so, the same thing may happen again. I don’t know
how to tell her that I have been to the FMS chapter meetings and seen that there
are many families like us. I believe that every family that was there for the
meeting is innocent, otherwise they wouldn’t be there.
StopBadTherapy.com has withheld this family's names in order
to preserve their privacy. StopBadTherapy.com congratulates this mother and
all others who have the courage and strength to stand up and warn others about
the harmful therapy that has needlessly ruined so many innocent people's lives.
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