The Retractors' Voice is a newsletter for and by survivors of False Memory Syndrome, a condition usually resulting from repressed-memory therapy in which a person's identify and interpersonal relationships are centered around a memory of a traumatic experience which is objectively false but in which the person strongly believes. The purpose of this publication is to provide a means of communication among those who have come out of False Memory Syndrome (FMS) -- the retractors.
Issue No. 2 July 1997
Dear Fellow FMS Survivors:
The FMS Foundation conference "Memory and Reality: The Next Steps" was held in Baltimore on March 22 and 23. it was a pleasure meeting many of you there. The conference was emotional and motivating for me. On Friday night, just the sight of all those parents in line to register was heart- breaking. The parents were wonderful, and always so excited and pleased to find a retractor. One father told my husband, "When she said she was a retractor, I just wanted to hug her!"
During a few of the presentations on Saturday, I felt somewhat awkward. There were times, for example, when parents would laugh about some of the more ludicrous "memories" (eating babies, etc.). Perhaps it was just nervous laughter, and I certainly don't think any of the parents meant to offend retractors; but it's hard to laugh when you once believed similar ridiculous but horrible things. I think that's part of the value in having retractors connected with the FMS Foundation-only we can point out to them our own unique perspective. There is so much pain on all sides of this issue; it's easy to forget what other family members might be experiencing and, in doing so, direct our anger at each other instead of at the THERAPY. I overheard parents talking about how their hearts bled for the retractors on the panels, and I had an accuser's sibling who attended tell me that the conference helped him to understand the sister who is supporting his accusing sister. To those of you who attended, 1 would love to hear your thoughts.
If you are anything like me, you spend considerable time thinking about how this whole FMS thing happened to you. I am better able to forgive myself the more I educate myself about how easily the mind can be manipulated and controlled. One book that has helped me immensely is Combatting Cult Mind Control by Steven Hassan. The techniques used in cults are the same techniques used in repressed memory therapy, whether it's formal therapy, groups on college campuses, or weekend seminars. Another recommended book in understanding FMS is Dr. Paul Simpson's Second Thoughts. Dr. Simpson and Steve Hassan describe the 3-step model from Edgar Schein's book Coercive Persuasion. The book is based on interviews with former American prisoners of war. Dr. Simpson has agreed to write a column for this newsletter, and he will write one addressing the similarities between FMS and cults.
I write this issue of the newsletter with new hope about my regression-believing sister. She has indicated she is considering coming over to my home this month when my parents visit from Florida. This is a huge step. She has not seen my father in 8 years, and my father has never met her children (6 and 2). At the same time, she has made it clear that her regression-believing position has not changed. Still, I am hopeful that this will be some kind of turning point for her.
Upon arriving home from work one day recently, there was a handwritten phone message from my daughter on the kitchen counter. It read "Laurel - Been in false memory for 7 years. Ended last week. Read the newsletter Thank you. Is also a Christian. She'll write you. She's from California." Thank you, Laurel. Your message holds a place of honor on my refrigerator. You are the reason. I do this newsletter.
Donna Anderson
The Next Step
by Dr. Paul Simpson
Welcome to The Next Step, a column devoted to addressing questions that retractors have about their regression and false memory experiences. Since this is a new feature, I thought I'd take a moment to share about my own background and involvement in FMS.
As a psychologist and family counselor I've had extensive experience intervening in physical and sexual abuse cases. I've worked with victims and perpetrators as a case manager with Child Protective Services, in runaway shelters and inpatient programs. I first encountered recovered memory therapy (RMT) in the early 90's when I was working at a psychiatric hospital in Scottsdale, Arizona. There, like the rest of the nation, RMT was very popular. I applied myself and quickly learned regression techniques through seminars and individual training. Sure enough, I was soon able to regress clients and have them recover numerous traumatic "memories." Early in this work, nagging questions began for me, but I found that colleagues wouldn't allow for any questioning of RMT or the horrific images clients were developing. So I began my own search to better understand this movement I had become a part of.
The short story is that I came to recognize that RMT and its fantastic claims were far from certain fact. There's a proverb that says, "It is not good to have zeal without knowledge or to be hasty and miss the way." (Proverbs 19:2) I had done both. With the best of intentions, I had abandoned my training as a psychologist and jumped onto a fad bandwagon. With resolve, I began the painful process of contacting former clients to let them know that I had serious doubts about the reality of the traumatic images they had uncovered while under hypnosis. Some were relieved but some were angered. Colleagues let me know I was a traitor. Being a retracting therapist was anything but pleasant.
It was a liberating experience when I learned about the newly-formed FMS Foundation in 1992. As I spoke with other professionals, I was able to confirm my earlier doubts. In 1993, I formed "Project Middle Ground" to mediate between individuals and families caught up in RMT. I also began to speak at hospitals, churches, colleges and professional conferences in an effort to educate others about the false memory crisis. In 1994 I co-authored the first national research article exploring the retractors' experiences and found myself doing increasing amounts of restoration counseling - helping retractors to better understand their RMT experiences, abuses in therapy and ways to reconcile with their families. If you'd like to know a bit more about all this, my story of coming out of RMT is told in a book I've recently authored, "Second Thoughts: "Understanding the False Memory Crisis." My efforts to provide education, mediation and restoration continue to the present.
They say knowledge is power. Through this column, our commitment to you is to provide straight answers to your questions, helping you make steps towards better understanding your regression experiences and getting back in control of your life. Next time we'll begin a series that looks at some of the typical features of thought-controlling groups/cults and common issues people have after they've left these groups.
Warmly,
Dr. Paul Simpson
Cards and letters:
My name is Elizabeth Kroon. I'm a retractor from Northampton, MA. Today is February 9th. I just made myself write a short note to my former "incest support group" facilitator. I looked her up in the local phone book, and she lives in the same place she did back in '79 when this all started. What prompted me to write her was not only the latest issues of the FMS newsletter, but also a book in a local bookstore written by a former support group member called "Toward Amnesia " The novel is about a broken-up lesbian love affair, but the title makes me wonder whether it relates back to the "memories" I and others had.
At any rate, I wrote the short note to HW to finally put closure on what I claimed all those years ago. I was nervous about writing it, because I remembered HW as being rather vehement. However, in all fairness, she didn't force me to say what I said -- it was more like a subtle cueing.
What I realized as I was writing the note was that I had admired HW, especially for her accomplishments in owning a home and having a challenging job. I wonder if that's's why I fell under. her spell. I even said in the note that I would really like to understand why I had the false memories. So, I'll write again if I get a response -- fanatical or otherwise...
Libby Kroon
Northampton. MA
Please remove my name from your mailing list. I find the religious slant of your newsletter offensive. I also do not think of myself as a "retractor." I am a woman who has doubts about the type of therapy I had and am trying to come to terms with what happened. I have already been used by my ex-therapist to meet her needs and agenda and I do not want to have another label placed on me by either the FMS organization or your newsletter. Please do not contact me or send any further newsletters.
A Non-Retractor(?)
Redmond, WA
Editor's Note: The author has been removed from the newsletter mailing list.
I received the following letter after speaking on a panel about family reconciliations at the FMSF
conference:
By most measures the (FMSF) conference was a great success, and you and your fellow panelists share in that accomplishment. There were just so many positive reactions about you and the panel that it is difficult for me to capture and communicate them in an intelligent manner. Parents were uplifted by your comments and presence. You were especially great comfort to those who have more than one child with inaccurate memories of their past. I believe this is the first time at a national FMSF conference that their fears and hopes have been addressed.
Allen Feld
FMS Foundation
From my sister's last therapist
I would like to thank you for continuing to keep me informed about FMS. I find it useful for myself and to share with my clients. I have also shared the FMS (newsletter) with a number of my colleagues. I have always felt strongly about the need to validate allegations of abuse. In the past and still today, I have routinely refused patients who do not have memories of their abuse before entering therapy. I found that even with this policy, it sometimes did not sort out clients with FMS. This put me in a dilemma. Do I tell a patient who truly believes their memories to be true that I do not believe them? Do I allow their beliefs to continue without objectivity. I struggled in my belief that it is important to validate abuse before healing from it. With the information you provided to me I was able to offer gentle ways for them to took at their memories. I thank you for informing me. Your information and direction helped me to provide an alternative to my dilemma.
Michigan
All the love we come to know in life comes from the love we knew as children.
Cards and letters:
I retracted satanic ritual abuse "memories" about 2 1/2 years ago. I have a nightmarish story of my own that I won't recount now-but perhaps I could write it up for an issue of the newsletter. Reading Margaret M.'s story deeply affected me. It made me realize that there are probably many retractors out there desperately trying to get their lives together with little money and little support. I'm doing much better now, but know all too well how hopeless it can feel. That has made me vender how we can actively help each other to gain the lives we probably went into therapy in the first place to gain. I'm just throwing out ideas here -- Perhaps we could ask retractors to write in letting us know what their needs are in their lives now.
If we know what we're struggling with specifically, perhaps we can help each other get the proper help or obtain what we need. And it's possible the FMSF parents may be willing to help, financially or otherwise. For example, if someone is unemployed and too disabled by the trauma of FMS to work, I can give tips on how to go about getting on social security disability benefits. I helped a friend through the process last year. Or if loneliness and isolation is the biggest problem, then perhaps we could write letters to each other or even start an e-mail list service. (I have a friend who can teach me how to start a list service.) These are just some examples. I think a newsletter is extremely valuable, and I would also like to see if we can support each other in other ways too. What do you think?
At my darkest times during my recovery, I could have really used some encouragement, more friends, and perhaps some financial help as well (at times). Oh-I've written a letter to Magaret M. which I've enclosed. I was haunted and saddened by her story and wanted her to know she's not alone.
My sister still believes she was satanically abused-so you and I have that frustration in common. I accused my father of incest, and he and I are now closer than we've ever been. We appreciate each other in, a way we wouldn't have had we not lost each other to FMS. So there is that benefit, although hard won.
Jennie B.
Iowa City. IA
I sought therapy in 1980 because of the anger I felt at a very rebellious teenage daughter, hoping she and 1 could find a way to-communicate more effectively. I chose a regular community therapist, having no idea that he was trying to create (all emphases by author) himself as a "repressed memory expert in trauma resolution." Within a couple months, he told me he thought that the anger I felt at my daughter's behavior was really 'a projection of my "unexpressed rage due to sexual abuse." While I had no memories related to such abuse, he insisted that I read The Courage to Heal, watch videos of child abuse interviews with him, watch Barbara Streisand in the movie "Nuts" and do endless writing exercises. As I argued with him about his theories, he said I was in "denial" and that I could never help my daughter in her life until I trusted him to help me understand my own. He told me he could help me "fee! better with some simple relaxation exercises." My daughter's behavior worsened to the point that my husband and I "with therapeutic advice" placed her in a facility. My therapist became absolutely convinced that not only was I repressing my own childhood abuse, but that my daughter had also been abused by my father, that I had "dissociated my cooperation in this abuse" and that the source of my daughter's anger was my betrayal of her.
I still had no memories and still argued with him, but began to believe that perhaps he was the expert he claimed to be. I was so determined to do whatever I needed to help my daughter feel more confident in her life. My life was unraveling and I began to trust his insistence on abreactive work, to remember, relive and process the memories with him. Relaxation exercises turned into constant hypnosis sessions, followed by required group therapy and Intensive weekend "shame reduction sessions" with other", "survivors." Always, he questioned me about "who else" he was talking to and how my "inside people" were helping or hindering my talking with him. To defuse my arguing and questioning, he decided to appeal to my rational side by having me read material on repressed memory, family dysfunctions (everything by Bradshaw), and ultimately, Colin Ross and Frank Putnam's books on multiple personality disorder. I felt my options narrowing. When I still expressed doubts, my therapist alternated between saying this was normal or I was *denying or minimizing." His ultimate weapon took a different approach when he said that if I was really making up the "memories" expressed under hypnosis, then I had "a much deeper problem that would require hospitalization for a very long time." And then the best, and apparently most common, line of all followed: "you may be able to fake the stories, but you can't fake feelings and the effects in your life, and these are what really tell the story of your abuse."
I give thanks today that I never confronted my family about my "memories." Despite my therapist's urging to do so (suggesting long distance calls with him listening in), I retained enough doubt inside to prevent this. I also continued to talk with and visit my parents which kept some reality in my life. Of course, my therapist said this contact "reinforced" my repression and gave them opportunities to plant more suggestions for control. I canceled one visit home when he said he would "do whatever it takes to hospitalize" me and keep me from going home - so who was the real abuser here?
My therapist left the state in early 1994 for a new job elsewhere, but not before making sure I had "continuing therapy"' arranged with a friend of his. This new therapist, while believing in sexual abuse, did not use hypnosis or other memory recovery techniques because he felt" there was too much risk for lawsuits." I very quickly began to truly come out of my false memories without the use of constant hypnosis and other "visualizations." My former therapist continued to write to me, call me on the phone, even inviting me to visit him at his new home, because "now we can be friends, instead of just therapist and patient." l wrote to him, questioning again my "memories," and within six months of his leaving, quit therapy altogether. Six months after that, my dad died; when I told the former therapist this, first he cheered, then insisted I "return to therapy immediately to prevent complete disintegration." When I disregarded this advice, our "friendship" abruptly ended; I received no more letters or phone calls from him.
For a long time, I tried to excuse this therapist as having good intentions but a misguided approach. I am no longer so sure about this. Too many therapists, attending conferences and feeding off each others ideas and approaches, are causing endless harm and grief to vulnerable clients and families. I am always grateful that my search for a "smoking gun"- some proof of abuse -- kept me from a family rupture, especially since my mom died just three months ago. My good, true memories are mixed with horrendous regret and guilt over the beliefs fostered in therapy. Memory recovery therapy is full of danger, falsehoods, and destruction. My "memories" cost me several years of inner peace, suspicion in my children towards their grandparents, and their doubt in my own capability. I think this lingering doubt kept them from being able to really grieve when their grandparents died. We are still unable to talk about this among ourselves, because of my horror at being so manipulated by a therapist. My search for answers to my daughter's behavior intensified every problem we had, causing a nightmare which is only now beginning to end.
I know this letter is very long, but
I need any chance I get to look at this situation to gain some understanding.
Keep writing the newsletter; retractors need to see how similar therapists were
with methods that corrupted clear thinking.
Michelle
Ft. Worth. TX
Dear Fellow Retractors:
Beware of further exploitation! Now that we are no longer subject to the manipulation and exploitation of our unscrupulous and hideously misguided therapists and have found our ways back to reality, a new vulture waits for us.
I started meeting these predators about four years ago almost immediately after I attended my city's FMS support group. Allow me to give you the benefit of my years of experience with this new type of exploitation. I hope that it will save you from their deceptive charm.
What is Trance Abuse?
Trance abuse occurs because of the opportunity to give hypnotic suggestions to a person whenever they are in a trance. Whenever a person is in a trance they are less critical of new ideas and therefore more suggestible.
It is trance abuse to take advantage of someone's cognitive disability when they are deliberately induced Into a hypnotic trance and, without their permission or agreement, to give them suggestions which influence their beliefs or future behavior.
Row to Recognize a Trance
You can easily recognize a trance whenever some of your critical faculties are disabled. That is:
- Narrowing or fixation of your attention to a limited number of options or ideas
- Inability to make a judgment
- Immobility or lack of will power
- Tunnel vision
- Daydreaming, spacing out
- Involvement with inner memories, fantasies
- Repeated songs, words, sentences
- Doing things you can't control or stop
For more information:
Dennis R. Wier, Director
The France Institute, Inc.
Sunnehaldenstrasse 7
CH-8311 Bruetten, Switzerland
Tel: 011-41-52-347-1002
Fax: 011-41-52-34'-1012
Copyright 1996 The Trance Institute, Inc.
The following verse by Roy Lessin was distributed to retractors by Holly at the FMSF Conference:
Just Think
you're here not by chance,
but by God's' choosing.
His hand formed you
and made you the person you are.
He compares you to no one else-
you are one of a kind.
You lack nothing
that His grace can't give you.
He has allowed you to be here
at this time in history
to fulfill His special purpose
for this generation.
NOTICE: A parent would like to talk
to retractors who underwent psychotherapy in Tucson, AZ,
Please call Pat collect 304/291-6448
Susan Robbins is a Professor of Social Work at the University of Houston who attended the FMSF Conference. She sang this song at the Saturday night dinner:
Shadow of the Blues
I saw her last night and there before
my eyes
A woman I once loved was sporting a disguise
She was cloaked in anger, masked in pain,
Surrounded by sorrow,
The blues had come again
She's been through-hard times, but prays that they won't last
The future uncertain, she's been sifting through the past
To unlock the puzzle she needs the key
She's hoping to find it
In childhood memories
She lies awake at night too afraid to dream
The Images that haunt her are real, o; so it seems
Afraid of memories of things she can't recall
lone at night she wonders if they're memories at all
Her very best friends stood by her through it all
But now she won't see them or answer when they call
They can't understand how the past can make her whole
She's slipping away now
The blues have claimed her soul
I left her last night, her sadness filled the air
I had to escape from the grip of her despair
Won't somebody tell her that only she can choose
To step out of the shadow
The shadow of the blues
Won't somebody tell her that only she can choose
To step out of the shadow
The shadow of the blues.
SUSAN MARTIN ROBBINS (BMI)
Copyright 1997
Reprinted with permission of author
Let me hear from you for the next newsletter! Please Indicate how your name should appear.
Donna Anderson
THE RETRACTORS' VOICE is a free publication. Donations to help meet expenses are gratefully accepted. Please feel free to make copies of this newsletter especially if it might help someone.