The Retractors' Voice is a newsletter for and by survivors of False Memory Syndrome, a condition usually resulting from repressed memory therapy in which a person's identity and interpersonal relationships are centered around a memory of a traumatic experience which is objectively false but in which the person strongly believes. The purpose of this publication is to provide a means of communication among and with those who have come out of False Memory Syndrome (FMS) -- the retractors.
Issue
No. 3
Dear Fellow FMS Survivors: February1998
My apologies for taking so long to publish this third issue of our newsletter. It is difficult to find the time to work on the newsletter, but I need to remember that the only way to rid the FMS poison from our society and from our children's futures is to keep talking about it, writing about it, and educating people.
One of the letters in this issue is from a retractor who sometimes has doubts about throwing out all of his "memories." I am sure there are many retractors who relate to his feelings. especially if you have siblings who still believe their visions. I find it helpful to continue to read and educate myself about memory, mind control, and negligent psychotherapy techniques. With time and education, I believe we can all overcome any doubts about our recovered "memories." We need to get back to what we all knew about memory BEFORE we entered therapy; that is, we best remember (and don't forget) the very good and the very bad things from our childhoods. I remember our family vacations because they were a blast, and I remember certain family arguments because they were so upsetting. I now choose to think about the positive memories because they make me feel good and to learn from the negative memories. I don't hold grudges,but rather forgive because I recognize that my parents are as human and imperfect as I am.
There ere several letters from parents in this issue with questions for retractors. One asks how their daughter can appear to carry on as normal, while they are tormented. When I believed. I was tormented also, even though my parents didn't know it. But my sister seems much better at(hate to use a "recovery" word but) denial than I am. When I believed the abuse, I would want to talk to my sister about Mom and Dad; and she would become irritated with me-at times I felt she wanted to pretend we didn't have parents. In any event, I hope some of you will respond to the parents' questions and give them more Insight into what might be going on with their children.
While it is hard to read letters from parents at times -- my heart breaks for them -- this newsletter, and knowing that retractors exist, seems to be s lifeline for some. When I retracted, I was very grateful to the FMS Foundation and how it helped my parents through some terrible times; and my hope is that we might, through this newsletter, help other parents in pain now. Through helping others, we help ourselves as well.
There are also several letters from authors wanting retractors' input. Every book published is another step towards bringing the FMS crisis to an end, and this is one way we can have a direct impact I hope some of you'll respond.
There is little change in my sister's situation. She did accept several books from me several months ago, which I know is very positive, but It is hard not to get discouraged as I approach two years since my retraction. After praying especially hard one day recently, I passed a sign outside a church a few days late," that said "Be as patient with others as God has been with you."It answers my prayers directly (even if it's not the answer I want).
The most recent book I've read is Beware the Taking Cure. Psychotherapy may be hazardous to your mental health by Terence W. Campbell, Ph.D. Dr. Campbell's book will be a real eye-opener to most of us who have been trough RMT. His practical, common sense approach to what competent therapy should accomplish emphasizes the ludicrousness of RMT and most other individual psychotherapy. Like the fact that therapy should heal relationships, not make them worse (what a concept!).
The mailing list for this newsletter continues to grow. I add authors to it each time I visit the local bookstore and find others who obviously have no clue. I encourage you to do the same. or send copies to your former therapists or support group members. Together, we can make a difference.
Donna Anderson
Cards and letters:
In response to letter from Carol Nether (see July 1997/2nd Issue of this newsletter):
I am a retractor. I was In therapy with Dr. Colin Ross from 1986 to 1991 and have bean in the gradual process of retraction since 1993. In the July '97 issue of the Retractors' Voice newsletter,you ask the question "Is it out of shame or pain or what?. Please allow me to explain what I have come to understand ad an answer to your curiosity.
First of all, I would like to correct your belief that all retractors came from wonderful families with perfect loving parents and a "good family life." This is certainly not the ease for me or for many of the retractors that I have talked to. Secondly, it is very unusual for a retractor to just simply "return to the family. I have not come to know anyone who did that. The process of retraction- is a very slow and difficult phenomenon. Likewise the process of producing and ingraining the false memories did not happen" overnight". The conclusion that you have drawn is incorrect, the observed reluctance of retractors to "remember" the horrible accusations they made against e.g. their parents is not genuine amnesia, or a" glitch" in the memory."
I do net know whether or not you have ever been through the years of mental and physical torture that most of the retractors have endured, but it doesn't sound like you have. If you had then you would understand the complete confusion we face when we sit across from our parents and family, If you had then you would understand our hesitation and uncertainty o! our decision to retract. We placed our trust and had faith in our doctors and ministers as we were taught to do as children. They violated our trust and Destroyed our lives. In the process, our true memories were contaminated and horrid delusions implanted. New we sit across from the people we once knew and loved, people that we knew how to trust a long time ago. But they are not the sales people that we knew, and we can't really figure out what we are supposed to do or what they are expecting us to do. Are we now supposed to just trust them and erase our new recovered memories of abuse like a person erases something written in pencil?
It has taken me several years to reach a 99% certainty that my parents are not alien/satanist/CIA abusers, In the beginning, I was ashamed that I had hurt them but now I am angry at the doctor instead. No, there is no shame anymore but the pain from losing my child will last forever and the anger I feel towards the system which allows this type of therapy to continue has given me anew focus.
Roma Elizabeth Hart
Canada
I am very pleased that you are providing a forum for retractors to share information with one another. I believe that your newsletter fulfills a need that will only grow in time, as more and more people come to realize that their "recovered memories" of prolonged abuse were inaccurate. Coming out of this illusory belief system does not suddenly make everything alright, as you know. I commend you for helping people who continue to struggle with family relationships and who seek to come to terms with their former therapists I am concerned,however, that you are not charging anything for the newsletter. I am enclosing a check to help you defray expenses and encourage others to do so.
I am also ending an interview with me and Frances Hill (author of A Delusion of Satan) that appeared recently in the British Journal, The Therapist. I was in England to promote the British edition of Victims of Memory when the interview was conducted this past February... I tried to photocopy the back page of this issue, but it didn't come out. It's a quote from T.S. Eliot "Half of the harm that is done in this world is due to people-who want to feel important. They don't meant to harm -- but the harm does not interest them. Or they do not see it, or they justify it because they are absorbed in the endless struggle to think well of themselves." This goes a long way to explaining the almost willful blindness that many recovered memory therapists seem to possess.
...You might want to let your readers know that there is a second edition (of Victims of Memory) with quite a few additions. That means that Upper Access, the publisher, is offering the left-over copies of the first edition at a substantial discount. People can order either edition by calling Upper Access at 800/256-9315
Mark Pendergrast
(Author of Victims of Memory)
I received the first edition (of the Retractors' Voice) and was very impressed. I am a retractor and have been since July of 1994. I have not been able to be actively involved with FMSF because we were pursuing lawsuits against the mental health professionals involved in my treatment and my attorney had to limit what I said and did. I am happy to say that we settled out of court, and I am now free to pursue other avenues concerning FMS.
I too think we need to communicate with each other, and I believe we
are the ones who can help make a difference In this madness also. I am just
not exactly sure the best way to go about it. I too am from a Southern Baptist
upbringing, and I believe God brought me through. this so that He could use
me to help others. Still my question lingers as to how can I best serve?...I
feel that you have been in touch with a lot more retractors than I have and
probably have a better idea of what's going on than me. To be quite honest,
I have not been overly impressed with some of the retractors that t have spoken
with. Some seem to still be pretty self-absorbed and not quite ready to help
others yet. I am not being judgmental, I realize that I am one of the lucky
ones that when I came out I was out and no longer needed therapy of any kind,
just God's daily guidance in my life. I am more than ready to help and do what
I can in whatever capacity, but I do wish to be involved with healthy retractors
who are motivated for the right reasons.
A Retractor
Wylie, Texas
Thank you much for sending The Retractors' Voice. I especially liked your article an the front page and your letter to Bass and Davis. I have not written a letter to them, and I plan to after seeing yours.
It was a privilege to sit on the Sunday panel (at the FMS Conference', with you and Shara(Rutherford). My husband and I have been hurting so bad it has been hard to think of the pain our daughter is experiencing. Finally we are getting past the rawest of the pain. Hearing you and Shara speak helped me see the pain that our daughter is probably experiencing. It was so helpful to us when you encouraged us to accept her back without retracting -- that recanting will come when she is back in the family setting.
Jacquie is very intelligent, a teacher, a gifted actor and a writer from the time she was a child until we last saw her in 1993, she has lived in a pretend world. We have felt accepting her back as though nothing happened would continue to play along with the pretend. Her brothers called to see if we had been contacted by the law enforcement in California. Her profile would be one that would have been in the cult in California that committed suicide. At thirty years old she averaged once a week playing Dungeons and Dragons; she loved Star War moves; one of her favorite books was The Lion The Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis.
It was great to meet you and your husband, Shara and Nadean. Nadean and her husband sat beside me at the banquet. All of you, while I assume still have bad days, seem to have your"heads screwed on straight.... I two talked to Recanters on the telephone as Indiana group leader. Janet from the Foundation refers them to me. It seems to me that the ones who are able to go on with their lives are ones with a strong faith in God and a supportive spouse.
Bernise S
Logansport IN
Thank you for publishing The Retractors' Voice, although I wish there was a better word for us. There was an article in last month's issue regarding "cutoffs" in that we, retractors, are cut off. Cut off describes exactly how I feel. Out of 7 siblings, 4 of us had "repressed" memories. I am the youngest child and the only one to return. The other 3 haven't spoken to me since I re-contacted my parents 5 years ago. They think I'm a traitor and can't be trusted. I guess they're right!
The other problem that I have is that I still have nightmares and "feelings" regarding SRA. Everything was so real while I was in therapy, and adjust can't seem to shake it. I've tried to putthis all behind me, but I still have questions. I really doubt that I cut a 3-year-old's throat when I was 8 years old, but what about some of the less heinous stuff? I still question the "memories" of sexual abuse by my father. Sometimes I feel like I'm throwing some truth away with the lies.
Are you l00% restored, or do you still have doubts?
Mike Garnier
San Jose, CA
The Next Step
by Dr, Paul Simpson
"Susan", a retractor, is on the other end of the phone - "I feel like they took all my memories -both the good and the bad, and turned them into a twisted, sick horror story. I know now it wasn't real, but that still doesn't get my true memories back. They stole my real childhood memories from me. I want them back!" Susan's frustration is one that I hear on a regular basis. another retractor, Cindy, wrote to me, "I desperately wanted to go back to the innocence of the pre-therapy memories, to the past I used to have. My need caused great emotion - especially anger. And then there was mourning. It's true for me that regression was like amnesia, except you can't determine what's real and unreal in the memories you have."
An important challenge in recovering from Recovered Memory Therapy (RMT) is making your way back to the truth. This includes reclaiming your actual past - the one you knew before RMT-- beauty, warts and all. But that's easier said than done. Here are some suggestions you might want to consider:
1. Time: Cindy shares, "There was a great need to get it all sorted out & fast! It is relevant to know for yourself what is yours and what the therapist gave you. The key is to somehow slowdown and let the dust settle and allow yourself to mourn." Laura concurs, "When I began putting the pieces together of what had happened, I was angry... for a while I was obsessed with figuring it all out. It kept me up at night, stayed on my mind all the time and stole more precious moments of my life... At that point. I decided I would put everything I supposedly 'discovered'about my past on a back burner." Give yourself time to heal. Your RMT images have been deeply implanted in you, and they won't be fading away immediately. In the same vain, don't look for your real-life memories to reappear right away either. Retractors have shared with me that learning to discern true and false memories takes place over a period of months and is most difficult during the first year. But take courage, with the passage of time, you'll find that much of your true past will gradually return as your implanted images fade.
2. "Cueing": Look through childhood writing, report cards, family pictures. Consider sitting down with various family members and ask them to recount stories of you and then growing up. Take some time to visit places where you grew up. I know this sounds like what you were told during RMT, but keep in mind that we're not looking for hidden fantasies. The goal is to reclaim the memories you always had, the ones that were lost or distorted during your RMT abuse. Remember, free-standing memories are the ones you always had. Recovered "memories" are the delusions created in you during RMT.
Cindy describes her initial difficulty in doing this. "I felt incredibly awkward asking family to help me recreate my memories, so I didn't. For a long time it was too painful to even go through pictures - they were full of triggers (of my false memories), so I didn't." But. "the day did came when visits to family and their homes, even looking at pictures was o.k. and that was good."
3. Get Connected: It's important to get connected with other retractors, learn from your common experiences and give &, receive support from one another. Diana described her recovery. It was a time for sifting the truth from the deception. I found it helpful to talk to others who had similar experiences. And to learn more about how memory works and natural childhood development ....I began to recognize the difference between a 'true' and a false memory. There was a sort of'unraveling' of the intertwined fantasy and truth.
4. Get Educated: Diane mentioned the importance of understanding how memory actually works and what are normal aspects of childhood development. Part of what brought you into the RMT deception is being uninformed. Your therapist took advantage of this and told you a bunch of scientific-sounding psychobabble. Education is power. The more you know about the scientific insights into memory and child development, the more empowered you are to avoid being duped in the future.
5. Moving On: Laura shares, "I had to stop obsessing with the childhood I had rewritten in therapy - go with what was reality in my life prior to therapy - and get on with things that needed to be done." Cindy adds, "The only thing that worked was time and more time. There's a great deal of desperation In the disconnectedness of 'post- regression.' Putting a puzzle together again and then realizing someone's added foreign puzzle pieces to ours and even broken many of your original pieces. Anger, frustration... and then you realize tomorrow can be better spent creating new memories than trying to fix the old ones.. If I could do it over again, I'd start grieving sooner and let go of going backwards." You've already lost so much time in RMT. Allow yourself to live more in the "here-and-now." There's a whole, wide beautiful world which lies outside of the RMT deception. You deserve to be in it.
Next time we'll tackle the issue of letting go of the strong feelings (positive and-negative) which you may still have for your RMT therapist. If you have some tips you'd like to share on this topic, please drop me at note at
Dr. Paul Simpson, Project Middle Ground
210 E. Pima, Suite 200
Tucson. AZ 85712
Cards and letters:
I just read your column in the latest FMS Foundation Newsletter it was moving, and I applaud you for having the courage and emotional energy to both attend the Baltimore conference and to set up The Retractors' Voice- not to mention coming forward as a retractor in the first place. Retractors have a special voice, as you point out, and I think we in the FMSF need to be especially sensitive to their perspective and to find a special place for them in the organization. As you perceived, many accused parents-probably out of their own emotional focus and even desperation-are unable to feel or express the sensitivity that's needed, sometimes even unable to really listen to what refractors are telling them. I believe retractors will be able to give us great insights into what our sons or daughters have gone through, and can be the greatest source of wisdom and understanding in the eventual reconciliations that all of us are hoping for. So... you have my very best wishes, and keep up the great work.
My new book, Lost Daughters, contains five chapter-length narratives of families who went through RMT-inspired accusations (my own story is Chapter 1), interspersed with chapters that contain my critical analysis of what aspects in the culture I believe have fostered and contributed to the RMT phenomenon. If you read it, you will notice Sherri's story is the narrative of a retractor, very dramatic and well-written. Interestingly, my publisher's publicity person just called this week to tell me that Cosmopolitan magazine, of all places, wants to print an excerpt from the "Sherri" chapter.
All the best in your endeavors.
Reinder Van Til
Chicago. IL
I am the FMSF contact for Idaho and Wyoming. I am 67 years old, married to the same woman for 49 years. We have been accused of sexual and satanic abuse by six of our seven daughters. They all went to Mark Stephenson, a psychologist in Idaho Falls, Idaho. We have gotten his license taken away and are suing him, but the case has been postponed; it was to have started April 1, 1997.
I got a copy of your July newsletter sent to me by the FMSF. I thought it was excellent I was thrilled at your mention of Dr. Paul Simpson and his book. I have read and reread it many times. It is one of the best I have read. He is s very fine man as I am sure you know. We have just gone through his Project Middle Ground with my six girl's, but no results yet. We have not seen or spoken with our six girls, their husbands or 20 of their children since July of 1992.
Feel free to use my name or this letter anywhere it will help. We can't be
hurt any more.
Richard Greenhalgh
Shelley. ID
Recently the FMS in Philadelphia sent me a packet of information, from an inquiry I had made. Included was your newsletter... I found it very interesting since you mentioned specifically "body memories. This is exactly what my adult daughter (age 45) stated when I asked her for the specifics (date/time/place, HOW?) which she could not recall..other than she had "body memories."
I forwarded to my daughter your RETRACTORS' VOICE to give her a better insight
of what had transpired in her therapy sessions. Thank you for your participation
with FMS of Philadelphia.
Ben
Boca Raton. FL
After reading your message in the September issue of the FMSF newsletter, I have a question and a request. First, could you tell me how to subscribe to "The Retractors' Voice"? My husband and I desperately need to hear whatever retractors can tell us about their experiences and the process of reconciliation with families.
Secondly, I would like to ask if it is common for recovered memory accusers to seem to be able to function well in their daily lives, despite their drastically altered family relationships. One of the hardest things for my husband and me to understand and accept is our daughter's seeming ability to carry on as if nothing were amiss, while we live every day of our lives in anguish. Of course we don't really know what emotional turmoil she may be suffering; but the outward signs indicate that she is able to function extremely well as long as she is not reminded too directly of the family pain. Her father is the accused. After an initial break with both him and me, she is in touch with me providing that I don't speak of reality.
I worry that her apparent ability to float cheerfully above all the pain is creating a source of resentment. especially for my husband, that would be hard to overcome in the future.
l imagine that you may be inundated with letters from desperate parents.
Thank you for having the energy and courage and humanity to place yourself in
this position, Just knowing you exist isa source of hope for all of us; and
if you cannot reply to individual letters, I will surely understand. Thank you
again for letting us know you are there.
A Mom
I am a social worker who developed and operated sexual assault victim services from the mid1970's until the late 1980's. I returned to school to obtain my doctoral degree and chose as my dissertation topic a comparison of state crime victim compensation programs and administrative procedures. Finding that sexual assault victims were receiving three-fourths of all benefits(mostly for mental health counseling), and realizing that these numbers were excessive in terms of the proportions of victims who experience sexual assault and require counseling, I began to explore these issues further.
At first, I suspected that the problem could be attributed to therapists "over servicing" legitimate victims, but as I looked further, I began to recognize that other even wore insidious practices were responsible. I refer specifically to the implantation of false memories and the"interpretation" of children's statements or actions as indicating abuse. Last year my first book,"Paying for Crime... " which explores the various means by which victims can be reimbursed --and notes the ease with which false claims can be compensated as well -- was published by Praeger.
Since then, I have written a number of shorter pieces on these issues. One suggested that "false memory syndrome" may have been invented for no other reason than to get around statutes of limitation on the reporting of crimes so women who had always remembered being abused could claim. I base this on my own experience working with victims as well as my knowledge of the timing and politics involved in how these issues emerged. I have also begun research for a second book, "Sanctified Snake Oil," which will explore how and why government entities accept and perpetuate "junk science" in the social sciences.
I am particularly interested in documenting the "money trail" that encourages therapists to"create" victims. I would like to hear from any retractors who might be willing to share information about how your RMT therapists, or other people who "helped" you to "retrieve"memories, approached the issues of payment for services, litigation against abusers" and other money issues. I will promise to maintain your confidentiality unless you give me explicit permission to identify you. I would be happy to answer any questions or provide you with additional information about myself to ensure the legitimacy of my request.
Thank you in advance for any help readers are willing to provide. I will use this information in utmost confidence only to expose the way that financial issues seem to drive the RMT movement.
Susan Kiss Sarnoff.
DSW8O Meadow Street
Garden City, NY 11530-6241
telephone and fax 516/873-9776 {call first)
email: ssarnoff@phsmail.com
I'm writing a book about false accusations of sex abuse with special emphasis on bogus therapists. These include psychologists, psychiatrists & sundry other self-anointed experts. Like the inquisitors in the Middle Ages, they are the major part of the problem. It will include specific damage control tips for people who've been falsely accused, as well as sample cross examination questions to use against the experts when one is a defendant In a civil or criminal action, or plaintiff in a malpractice case. As part of the protect, I'm interviewing people who've retracted accusations they made as adults or as children. I'd appreciate it if you could put me in touch with some of these people. I will, of course, respect their wishes on confidentiality. But, in as many cases as possible, I want to name and discuss the therapists.
William F. McIver II, Ph.D.
127 West 96th Street (PHA)
New York, NY 10025
BillMciver@compuserve.com
Telephone: 212/663-0833
Excerpt from 2nd Edition of Mark Pendergrast's book. "Victims of Memory"
Once you realize that your parents did not sexually abuse you, you will feel enormous confusion and guilt, along with relief. For many of you, your therapist and support group have become your new family, and breaking ties with them will be difficult and painful. Still, you must get away from their destructive influence in order to see your situation more clearly. If you are on massive doses of medication, try to find a reputable psychiatrist -- NOT an MPD specialist -- who will supervise your withdrawal, or who will help you adjust to a proper dosage.
Do not be afraid to call your parents NOW and ask for reconciliation. With very few exceptions,your parents will welcome you back with joy, love, tears, and celebrations similar to the Biblical story of the Prodigal Son. Don't wait. One good thing that can come out of this mess is a renewed awareness of how much family really means, and how limited our time on earth really is.
Another positive outcome can be a new openness. Once you've renewed contact comfortably,take advantage at this time to talk about REAL problems that concern you. All families have their problems, and some are quite severe. Without relying on abstract jargon -- please don't talk about boundary violations-discuss specific issues. Don't expect your parents to change all that much, though. They've lived a long time, and they're probably not going to alter in any fundamental way. Enjoy them for who they are.
You will need to rebuild relationships not only with your parents, but with your long-suffering spouse (If you have one) and your friends and relatives. Many mates of self-identified Survivors watched their marriages deteriorate and their children suffer, but they tried to be-supportive,thinking that the repressed memory of abuse were all true, and that the process was necessary.
Once it is clear that it was all a terrible delusion, many spouses will release pent-up frustration and fury, misdirected at you. You will have to weather this understandable reaction. Similarly,your children will probably need a great deal of attention and may feel bitterness over your former self-obsession. While you may feel guilty about what you did to your spouse and children-- -and it is important to apologize sincerely and repeatedly -- -you must not grove! or accept an inferior status. Re-establish yourself as a viable, independent member of the family who deserves respect and love.
If your therapist will not admit what he or she has done and continues to practice recovered-memory therapy with others, you face the difficult decision of whether to lodge formal complaints with state licensing boards or to sue the therapist. Many retractors simply want to walk away and never see their therapist again. Others cannot live with themselves unless they try to prevent the same thing from happening to others. This is a decision each of you must make for yourselves.
You may feel the need to seek a counselor, too, to cope with all your residual feelings of confusion and guilt. If so, find a counselor who is not imbued with Recovery Movement attitudes and jargon, and who understands the consequences of illusory memories.
Indiana became the first state to adopt consumer protection law for mental health practices. The"Informed Comment in Mental Health Practices" law in Indiana became effective July 1, 1997.
The new law requires that "a mental health provider shall inform each patient... of the reasonably foreseeable risks and relative benefits of proposed treatments and alternative treatments." According to R. Christopher Barden, a psychologist, lawyer and President of the National Association for Consumer Protection in Mental Health Practices "Consumers will now have to be told that psychotherapists who want to-talk about the patient's childhood are offering them what is at best an experimental and quite possibly a harmful procedure.'
A friend of mine, studying psychology at the University of Michigan, sent me this excerpt from one of he. textbooks, "Human Behavior in the Social Environment" by John F. Longres:
Elizabeth Loftus, a cognitive psychologist, asserts that memories are epherneral and untouchable, like the wind or steam rising. Her research focuses on the malleability of memory. In hundreds of experiments with thousands of people, she has found that not only do people remember things and events incorrectly, but they can be made to remember events that never actually happened. Not thinking about some terrible event that a person can be reminded of late rin life is clearly possible, but there is no support for the phenomenon of total repression and subsequent accurate recovery. Loftus fears that many psychotherapists, in their zeal to fight the psychologically debilitating effects of abuse, may inadvertently succeed in creating memories out of events that never took place.
Ignorance is preferable to error; and he is less remote
from the truth who believes nothing than
he who believes what is wrong
Thomas Jefferson
If you are a male retractor and would be willing to speak to men who are questioning their memories, please contact Tobi Feld at the FMS Foundation 2151387-1473 or leave a message for Tobi at 800/568-3882.
Let me hear from you for the next newsletter! Please Indicate how your name should appear and if you would be interested in being a phone contact for other retractors:
Donna Anderson
The Retractors' Voice is a free publication. Donations to help meet expenses are gratefully accepted. Please feel free to make copies of this newsletter especially if it might help someone.