My mother was one who did show interest and a study was started in the book Let God be True. The couple emphasized their ideas to us regarding a perfect world. As I loved animals, they mentioned the scriptural narrative contained in Isaiah Chapter 11, where the account speaks of the Lion eating straw like an ox. This aroused our interest and to the extent that my mother was baptized and I was taking an active part in meetings.
With the encouragement of those in our new circle of acquaintances I began giving readings out of the Bible at the Kingdom Ministry School. This is a meeting meant to qualify all Witnesses to preach at the doors and to train "brothers" to be better speakers from the platform. By the time I was ten I knew quite a bit about the Bible through the intensive schooling. Even as I learned, questions began to form in my mind that were inadequately explained. The others must have thought of me as a nit picker for I was constantly asking questions that they seemed to have difficulty explaining. The account of the creative days perplexed me. I could not understand how the account contained in the society's books was incompatible with the geology and zoology books I had been reading. Both the time element and reasoning were impossible to reconcile.
Later other subjects started giving me trouble. When the book All Scripture is Inspired of God and Beneficial was published in 1963, it contained a chart stating Adam was created about 4026 BC. We had been told for years that, after six thousand years of man's existence the millennium would come, erasing man's rule on earth. It does not take an Einstein to add 6000 to a negative 4026 and come up with 1974 then add a year and arrive at 1975. I, wishing to share my new discovery, was adamant in mentioning this fact and was promptly told " we don't set dates." In my ignorance, I could not understand exactly what all those dates were doing in that book if they were not to be used. The implication was there. The end of the world would be here before 1975.
After an initial rebuff, I like many young people decided to concentrate on more important things such as girls, a job, and a automobile. In fact after experiencing several such rebuffs together with being "encouraged" to go in field service, an activity I despised, I began going to very few meetings. I was riding the fence to the best of my ability. I began having little contact with the Witnesses and yet their teachings continued to have great influence on my life. Several important decisions were governed by that influence. I had wanted to go to college but Witnesses have always strongly discouraged attendance at any university. They feel that the "worldly" influence there, will pull a person away from the faith. This is true, but now I see the reason through different eyes. My parents were the type to let me make my own decisions but because my mother was a Witness she tended to favor and encourage their point of view. It boiled down to the fact that I received no encouragement to get higher education and therefore I did not explore the options open to me to receive grants and loans that would have allowed me to attend a university. It was easier to listen to the advice of friends who like myself had a Witness background rather than make my own decision. I did not attend a university.
While I continued to fraternize with other riders of the fence I eventually met a young lady who to my surprise told me she would marry me. We were married by one of Jehovah's Witnesses although Carol was not a Witness. I was satisfied with my situation having but minimal interactions, until Carol mentioned that she was pregnant and that if we were going to be parents, we should start going to church. I, in my infinite wisdom, said: "The only religion that I can see myself attending is Jehovah's Witnesses." She was aware of my past affiliation and agreed to allow the "brother" who had married us to come to our home. He came and our reindoctrination began.
We were living in Ohio when this occurred, and then, after several years we moved to Arizona. I began doing carpentry work in the small community of Arizona Sunsites. There were two other JW couples in the community and we all had to drive thirty miles to Wilcox where the congregation of about thirty was located. Because the congregation was so small servants were needed badly and I was soon appointed as a ministerial servant. If there is but one qualified man in the congregation he will prepare parts for all five meetings and preside over them. This entails a great deal of time and effort. An elder is the individual who takes care of all administrative matters. Ministerial servants are in effect their assistants. Elders normally prepare and deliver most of the talks to the congregation. In congregations such as the one in Wilcox, ministerial servants may soon find themselves performing many duties that would be assigned to an elder in larger cities. Evidently I proved myself in this position, and I soon became an elder. We were very motivated and willing to tackle anything. "After all," we reasoned, "Everything would be over soon."
Witnesses attend three assemblies a year held in larger cities and we would travel to these with anticipation for a new thought or "light." Through study I had disturbing questions but because of the enthusiasm of the time I would put them aside in my mind. We were being told new "truths" constantly and as it was explained, "New light was being shed on scripture." In other words those at Brooklyn were changing their minds.
One thing, which I remember bothering me, was the changing attitude on conscience. Through the late sixties and seventies the emphasis had been on developing a good conscience. Then the attitude changed, very subtly at first. Our consciences were no longer strong enough to be able to determine right from wrong. Gray areas were fading out. We needed more rules. For instance, articles about dress, particularly the length of dresses, were published in the Watchtower. I remember that the subject of pantsuits grew to be the main subject of conversation for six months. Next came discotheques. For nearly a year we heard of the evil of discotheques. During intermission at an assembly, I remember another brother saying to me "All I've heard is Discotheques for six months." "Let's go and see what it's all about."
Standards became stringent in many congregations such as, whether the dress could be to the knee or had to be below. A tremendous amount of material published concerning smoking. This built up until smoking became a disfellowshiping offense. I could not justify sentence a person to death for smoking. Attitudes toward sex became stronger. There were numerous articles on what constituted fornication. Homosexual acts were discussed and condemned. Then came the idea that any homosexual type of activity, or what Brooklyn considered an act relating to homosexuality, engaged in by a man and his wife was condemned. Masturbation was judged as evil. Rules were becoming very strict.
A 1975 came and went, we decided we were not going to wait any longer to gain something materially. In 1976 we moved to another small Arizona town, where in 1978 we built our own home. The general attitude of Witnesses was, "Why build or buy something that will be destroyed shortly?" I was 35 and had no possessions but now as we began to acquire a few things my faith was faltering. More and more rules! A person's conscience was no longer accepted as being able to decide right from wrong. Incidents that once were left to conscience, now had specific laws governing them. The general attitude was affecting my domestic situation. Because of suspicion building up within the congregations, pressure was placed so that, personal lifestyles had to conform to specific standards. Because my wife was working for a male member of the congregation she came under suspicion for immorality and was asked to appear before the judicial committee. Although no fault could be found at the meeting, she was asked to quit her job so that things would look better to the congregation. She explained that she enjoyed doing the type of work (remodeling) and it would be difficult to find other employment.
That seemed to end the matter, until several months later, the request came again. At this time she became very angry because of the harassment. I endeavored to explain to her and myself that the elders were simply trying to resolve the matter. Again she was questioned without any evidence and again she explained. The elders again told her that it would be better if she found other employment. Shortly after that she did find other employment with telephone work, but her attitude had changed radically. She attended very few meetings and there was a definite change in our marriage life.
Next a close friend was disfellowshiped because of the fact that his wife had left him previously, and he decided to remarry. No immorality had taken place before the divorce, so according to the rules of the Watchtower Society, he was not free to marry someone else. The episode touched me deeply for I felt that he had already put up with more than I could, and then, because he chose to try to be happy again he was put out of the congregation.
Living with a personal deteriorating marriage and attempting to solve the problems of others built tension to greater heights. A case arose where a troubled young man was orally chastised because he confessed to masturbation. Later a couple with marital problems was openly questioned concerning oral sex although no mention of it had been made by the couple nor any apparent problem in its regard was evident. This was to me something outside the business of our imperfect abilities. I did not want to be any part of this harassment and having to constantly try to evade these sort of problems was getting to my nerves and conscience. Even in the small congregation I attended, judicial matters were heard almost weekly.
A judicial matter is handled by three elders who go to the parties concerned. At times solid advice was given but many times, as in the instances above, elders pried into the private lives of individuals seriously damaging their personal lives. During this time I had occasion to read George Orwell's 1984. I immediately began to relate what I was reading with events I was experiencing. When people at time reported friends and relatives for offenses, I began envisioning BIG BROTHER watching. Witnesses are told that if someone is doing a Biblically unlawful act, then it is a kindness to report this before the habit becomes stronger. This legality was carried to extremes. One man was brought before the judicial committee because he was seen smoking. After extensive questioning it was discovered that he had been driving with a pencil in his mouth. Because another crossed the border into Mexico after dark, it was assumed that he was seeing a prostitute.
In the autumn of 1980 we went to an assembly in Phoenix where at the meeting for elders, I received a tremendous shock. A letter was read from the governing body in Brooklyn concerning apostasy. It read in part:
"Keep in mind that to be disfellowshiped, an apostate does not have to be a promoter of apostate views." As mentioned in paragraph two, page 17 of the August 1, 1980, Watchtower,
"The word 'apostasy' comes from a Greek term that means 'a standing away from,' 'falling away, defection,' 'rebellion, abandonment.'" Therefore, if a baptized Christian abides the teachings of Jehovah, as presented despite Scriptural reproof, then he is apostatizing. Extended, kindly efforts should be put forth to readjust his thinking. However, if, after such extended efforts have been put forth to readjust his thinking, he continues to believe the apostate ideas and reflects what he has been provided through the 'slave class,' then appropriate judicial action should be taken."
As I understood this statement, and still understand it today, if I disagree with any, any doctrine of the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society, even if I do not try to convince anyone of it, then I am apostate and liable for disfellowshipment. The elders will try to change your mind and you cannot form your own opinion, "this spirit of rebellion" or you will be disfellowshiped. I was literally sick to my stomach when I walked out of that room. I had always disagreed with points of doctrine. I had believed I could accept the overall doctrine without having to believe the minor points I disagreed with. Now it was black and white and I saw everything that I had believed in, everything that I had worked for through the years, crumbling. That letter was taking a very large chunk out of my life.
Returning home, I tried to talk to the other elders regarding the fear I was feeling. They told me I was being over emphatic; after giving the matter considerable thought, I served my resignation as an elder. I then took off to hike the Sierra Nevada mountains for a couple of weeks, growing a beard, something not done by a Witness. Upon returning to the congregation I received a very cool reception. By removing myself from a place of authority and growing the beard I had placed a strong stigma upon myself in the eyes of the congregation.
Meanwhile, my marriage continued to worsen. Carol was working for another contractor in a town fifty miles away. She began to show all the signs of marital dissatisfaction. After considerable discussion, she agreed to give the marriage another try. She had taken one of the elders with whom she felt comfortable with into her confidence. After discussing the matter with us he agreed to allow Carol to make an effort at coming back into the organization. He also agreed not to bring the matter to the attention of the committee, until a reasonable period of time had elapsed. For the first time in a year Carol and I were getting along. The reconciliation was short lived because the pressure of knowing a meeting was imminent grew, until finally she telephoned and told the elder to get the meeting over with. I honestly felt that the men would look at my wife's recent actions and not disfellowship her. When they gave us their decision to disfellowship, I was furious and gave them my decision to no longer associate. The marriage completely fell apart after that. Carol moved out a few days later saying she could not handle any more of the bigotry and our marriage could not work now. Shortly after that, I filed for divorce. I felt betrayed by everyone and did not want to talk to any of the Witnesses.
These were difficult times since I had few friends to turn to. I started reading psychology books, self help books, until I thought I knew Jess Laird personally. Later, I attended a psychology course at the local college branch. Finally I sat down and decided that I had to either make a permanent break or eat some crow and go back. I needed to know if there was enough truth to draw me back or if there were more hidden lies that I was unaware of. I began to do research in earnest. Needless to say, what I learned shocked me. I was able to get Raymond Franz's Crisis of Conscience and later M. James Penton's Apocalypse Delayed. I couldn't believe I had been so taken in and controlled.
My son was living with me throughout high school. Since he had many friends among the Witnesses he continued to attend and I didn't object as I felt the decision was his to make. I did encourage him to go to college and he attended ASU for a semester. He then decided to move to Tucson and attend Pima Community College. When Tim came home for Christmas break we decided to go skiing at Taos. We had a good time and brought back fond memories. When Tim returned to Tucson, all hell broke loose. I guess he mentioned he had been skiing with me and he was promptly told not to have any more association with me.
That was pretty much the last straw for me. It has been over 11 years since I was disfellowshiped and little has changed. I do hope my son will see some sort of light before I'm too old to enjoy it. Other than his attitude I feel good about myself and satisfied spiritually. I feel out of place attending church but at the same time I feel closer to God than I ever did as a witness. I like many other ex-JW's want to spare others the pain and utter vacuum that we have had to endure. That is my purpose for writing this testimony.
Gerald Earl